Alright, I've put this off long enough... truth be told, I just didn't want to write a post filled with excuses *but* at the same time I wanted to honestly tell it how I saw it... I'm still not really prepared to write an essay thought either, so you get a summarized version...
- the day started early at 5am when I headed out on the first loop with *tc and Shawn, all was well and I enjoyed the company...
- ...around loop 3 the 'regular' starters were beginning to arrive - this is also when I first realized I had forgotten to tape up my, um, 'chest', so I stopped by the car and did so...
- At some point I decided I'd bust out the iPod shuffle - I can't even tell you the last time I listened to music while running - though I don't think it had any impact on my day, I don't foresee myself doing it again anytime soon...
- I ran a loop with Linda, the first lady of the race (ie: race director's girlfriend) which was nice as, at that point, I hadn't had company in quite a while (not counting people passing me)
- around the finish of loop 6 I changed my undershirt because I was soaking wet from the rain - I was also very cold...
- I didn't consider dropping until midway through my 10th loop, even then, it was a fleeting thought that I sort of laughed off
- At the end of loop 10, I jumped in the car, changed my shirt and socks - at that point I was still convinced I was heading out for another 10 loops - in the 10 minutes it took me to change out of my wet clothing and get into fresh stuff a lot of things ran through my mind, more than anything, it occurred to me that the clothing I was putting on was my last set of dry, warm clothing, that also lead my mind to the idea of circling the lake for another (at the VERY least) 5+ hours.
- I got out of the car and checked in with the aid station (still with intentions of going on) - some how it came up (I'm sure questioned by myself) that it appeared there was going to be maybe one 100K finisher... maybe... for some reason that's what got me... I stood around for about 3 minutes sort of talking with the volunteers but really just contemplating what I was going to do... then I just looked to them and said... 'I think I'm gonna call it...' and that was that...
- some how I couldn't wrap my head around being out there another 5+ hours wet, cold, and feeling the way I was...
- after an ice bath, a warm shower, food, and a nap I woke up and looked out the window, it was still shitty out, then I looked at the clock and realized that I'd still be running had I stuck it out... as much as I was disappointed to not be finishing, I was still happy to not be running... it was an odd feeling...
...so here's what I've come to terms with... I did quit, I'm sure I was capable of finishing but mentally I just quit, plain and simple... I'm not proud to say I quit but I still see it as the right choice for me on that particular day... I feel like had I had a proper water proof top I would have at least lasted longer... having the car there every 3.1 miles was a temptation I had a hard time dealing with in the end... I'm glad my next race is further than a 50K, assuming all goes well, 50 mile should reaffirm my confidence.
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